I cannot tell if I’m coming out of or going into a fog. Depression undoubtedly provides a different world view. The issue is recognizing which views are enlightening and useful and which are illusion.
The last days have been spent jigsaw puzzling and watching mindless television. These activities I have relished in past decades. I look at myself now, and I wonder – is this just normal? Is this how healthy people spend their time? Am I better now that I can do this again?
Then I think, well, why am I doing this? Oh, that’s right, my uncle just committed suicide, I’m incredibly anxious about going to work, and I don’t want to spend time with my family or friends. Huh. That doesn’t seem particularly healthy to me.
Still, could it be that all of my current questioning, the self-doubt about my choices, the frustrations and feeling trapped, could it actually be an illusion created by the depression?