In response to my mother’s earth day greetings email; it felt too much like a post not to blog it:
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Happy Earth Day to you, too, Mom!
The boys are out camping and enjoying nature appropriately. It’s the Kindergarten class camping trip, so it should be good fun with lots of 5 and 6 year olds and younger (and a few older) siblings darting about. I look forward to the photos. I stayed home with the dogs for a quiet weekend.
Your description of the trip to the greenhouse is delightfully clear. I can absolutely see Dad hopping in and helping however he can. I envy his assuredness and internal motivation. He just seems to never be troubled by hesitation and timidness. I think of so many helpful things I might do – well mostly, I lament my lack of action to make a difference – but I struggle to translate thoughts into action. Sometimes I think the assuredness comes from being male. They seem to have less fear and assume less dastardly motivations in others. Likely because they are less frequently victimized. Still, in Dad it translates into someone who just does. Sometimes I think he exists for the sole purpose of making a positive difference in this world. I admire him immensely. (You can tell him I said that, too.) Many of the my shortcomings and things that I berate myself about, are things that he does that I don’t. He set a very high bar – not for me – for himself, but as a role model, he’s a tough act to follow. 🙂
Now that I’m done flattering your husband, *grin*, I should tell you that I also admire you and your quiet strength of heart. [edited] I secretly hope that you are chronically your experiences growing up and capturing your mom’s spirit in your eloquent words. If that is not your current project, then I hope that it is something that you take time to do. I have always been struck not only by how you see people – see into them – but how you translate that to descriptions and stories. You are a marvelous story teller. I want someday to hear the story of your youth. My love and wishes for strength to you. [edited]
Here things continue to move at a frantic speed. Each day is a production. It’s like we’re a traveling road show that has to set up and perform and pack down every few days. Only we’re not traveling, nor setting up or packing down, yet it still feels like that. Every day requires coaching and directing. No one moves on auto-pilot. So, as they say, there’s never a dull moment. 🙂 Both boys grow more interesting every day as they mature. Eliot did quite well his first semester and first half of the second semester. His mid-term grades were all As and Bs. I know it takes him almost twice as long to read everything, that he has been assigned – even his math problems – but he perseveres with only minor complaints. He’s plucky, my guy. He’s still a kid even as his classmates mature into adolescents. So far he either seems oblivious to it or simply doesn’t mind. He plays with Auden everyday and so well. I’m sure he’s loving being on the Kindergarten camping trip. All of the kindergartners love him. Auden is keeping up with his class academically with a little assistance. It’s not unexpected since he’s the second youngest child in the class and the youngest boy by a bit. Reading has not quite clicked for him, but it’s close. I wonder if he will take to books slowly like Eliot (who now reads regularly) or if he will plunge into them the way that Sandy and I did. What does seem to be maturing is his ability to think about abstraction. Unfortunately, this has come with a regular occurrence of nightmares and anxiety about death and disasters. He seems acutely aware of my health in a way that even Eliot does not. It’s both touching and troubling. We have handled this by supporting him the most practical way we can: we bought a king size bed. 😛 It’s massive. Sandy and I might benefit from walkie talkies. In spite of the bounty of space for him when he crawls into bed in the middle of the night, Auden inevitably still destroys our rest by sleeping perpendicular to us and kicking one or the other of us. Here’s hoping he outgrows this phase soon.
Sandy is making Amazon work – meaning that there are aspects of working for Amazon and on this project that are less than ideal – but he seems to be getting a handle on it. We took the opportunity when we bought the bed to set up a real workstation for him so that he can work from home more regularly. That saves him the commute time and gets him “home” earlier in the evening. He has also been taking more refuge in camping. He has weekends planned for the most of the next month or two either for a personal getaway or to take the boys with. Camping is so restorative for him. I wish that it was for me as well, but honestly it’s not relaxing or comfortable for me, so I usually opt out. At least then we have someone to take care of the dogs.
Our trip to DC was good. It had a few hiccups: some lost luggage, some bad weather, bronchitis (me: the whole trip; the kids: the last day and after returning). In spite of that, we enjoyed the sight seeing, had a great apartment, partook of excellent dinners, and were moved by the Holocaust Museum. It stands as the most awesome part of the trip for me. It’s impossible to describe in a sentence, so I won’t try.
I started taking a writing class about a month ago that has been great. It’s good to be reading and discussing books again. Admittedly, I’ve not done as much writing as I should for the writing class; I submitted something from my blog for my last workshop. Still, I enjoy reading the others’ work as well as the authors we have been assigned. It makes me wish I had more time – really I mean brain time – to read and write. Most evenings my brain is fried from work and kids’ homework, so while my body might sneak in an hour of relaxation, my brain has already clocked out for the night.
A couple of months ago I began the process of weaning off of my various meds. I started with some of the herbal supplements, then the ulcer meds, then the neuropathy pain meds, then the pancreatic digestive enzymes. I reduced to a lower maintenance level of the neuropathy pain med (Pregabalin) allowing my brain to function normally, which has been great for both work and the writing class. All was going well, but sadly, it’s likely that my two weeks of bronchitis and cold meds or the stress of it and everything else triggered a relapse. Wednesday evening my upper abdomen inflammation woke up with a vengeance. It’s not clear to me if it is a gastritis/gastric ulcer or if it’s my pancreas. Whatever it is, I’m going back on most of the meds except not increasing the Pregabalin just yet. It’s been a while since I’ve needed Vicodin, but that’s where I am again. I enjoyed a good 4 months of remission. Enough to make me think that things could go back to normal. Alas. Now I wrestle with how to get back to a functional level in spite of the pain. Getting to the next remission being, of course, the primary goal. My hope that this weekend home alone with few stressors and on the strictest of diets might bring the flare down seems not to be panning out, but who knows, it could.
Ok. Now that I’ve basically written a blog entry (and I might just post it), I’m going to sign off.
My love to you and to dad. Thank you for putting up with my infrequent communication. I’m sorry that I’m not a more dutiful daughter who fills you in more frequently. I appreciate that you live with it without complaint. 🙂