Today is a day that I’m pushing through molasses. I could compare it to walking on a sticky trap like the one we once used ineffectively to capture a rat in our home, but I prefer the image to be sweet even if the subject is not.
I’m not sure if it is a remnant of the anesthesia or the procedures, but I’m taking a while to recover from Monday. That morning I had a endoscopic ultrasound of my upper GI tract and pancreas in order to do another celiac plexus nerve block. Additionally, the doc took a couple of biopsies. I suppose that kind of deep throating simply takes it out of a girl.
I should have this down by now. This is the fourth nerve block that I’ve had done. The last two seemed to work for a little over 4 months. This is a common protocol for pancreatitis patients for pain management. I really don’t recall much about recovery from the other ones except that it took a week or two to have a positive effect. I cleverly did not write chronicle much about it. Or embarrassingly, maybe I did, and I’ve forgotten where I noted it. So, I must assume based on evidence from this one, that the pain does not recede immediately. That means that this sluggishness, drowsiness, and fogginess all sit on top of my friendly pain in the abdomen. I would love to whine some more about the pain, but I hate that it frequently becomes the sole focus of this blog.
I can push through most physical things if weakly and perform the actions, but it’s almost like it’s in slow motion. It’s the oddest sensation. It is similar to the fuzziness of a day after an allnighter. The tracking of things is different. The entities that I interact with seem as if they are on the other side of some invisible barrier or boundary. As if I were just outside of their atmosphere.
I suppose in some ways this is like when someone is outside of their body looking down on it, but there’s no sense of height or physical separation, more as if I were embedded. I’m reminded of the tiny emperor who lived inside of a mechanical creature in The Men in Black. Trust me to devise some quirky and ridiculous setting. Of course, I could only dream of Will Smith coming into my life.
I will attempt to return to work tomorrow, but I fear that I will be carting in a zombie. Not the brain-eating kind, mind you. Just the living dead variety with minimal brain functioning. Hopefully not the system crashing kind either.
The awareness that I should be able to do something but for it to be so difficult to do it troubles me most. I should be clever enough to figure out some problem, but I look at it and find myself just looking at a cloudy surface with the components of the challenge just inside and outside of my grasp. Even writing this simple post has taken multiple attempts and re-reads to edit.
I look forward to the moment I find myself clicking along at my regular speed with a clear sky all the way to the horizon.